A very introspective way to restart this thing

Yesterday I wrote a blog entry but didn't post it. Today I've decided I will after all, despite it making no sense to anyone but me and it makes no attempt to explain why I've not written anything on here for over a month:

I don't quite know where this stream of consciousness is going to take me but I feel somewhat compelled to write something right now.
Until yesterday afternoon I felt pretty peaceful about a decision I made last Thursday however yesterday a harmless question was asked and I was surprised by how it made me feel, this was compounded later in the afternoon when I read something that in one way made me smile and in another made me feel something akin to mourning. At this point I realise this is all rather cryptic but I'm writing for me and if you find it vaguely interesting then even better.
I've had a rather rollercoaster set of emotions since yesterday afternoon and thankfully after spending a bit of time with God earlier today I'm feeling a little more, er, stable. I am still very thankful that at least I'm on a rollercoaster, rather than a stale and boring trough where I found myself for many years. The process of being broken down by a set of events a couple of years back finally allowed God to shape me more into the person He wanted me to be.
However I couldn't help feeling earlier today that I'm still a little off track. Considering how much I used to hate metaphors I can't believe I'm continuing it but it's almost as if the rollercoaster is once again heading for the ditch. It's one of those days where I'm asking myself, what is the point, what am I meant to be doing right now, what's God got in store for me, where's my career/joblife going? In other words, I've lost my patience and my ability to put my full trust in God. I know it's wrong and I know why I'm doing it but it's been so long since I've felt this way that I'm forgetting what the way forward is...